I get it. I CAN TAKE A FUCKING HINT.

Not even friends though huh?

Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck me.

Fuck this entire fucking situation.

They were all right you know. I never had a damn chance.

You were already too far out of my league. How disgustingly naive of me to even believe that I could make the slightest impact in your life.

Fuck myself for getting too close and getting burned.

And even now you probably still don’t give two shits.

FUCK THIS.

Rejection is a bitch.

And I’m too much of a coward to take that chance. I’m too afraid to put myself out there.

I’m useless.

It kind of hurts just thinking about you.

My hearts starts going crazy and my stomach all but turns inside out. I get light headed. It’s infuriating and it’s driving me insane. It almost makes me want to puke.

Maybe I should delete my Facebook. At least then it might be moderately easier to pretend that you don’t exist.

I still don’t know whether I should try to keep you in my life. Is that text of mine worth even sending?

But you know I’m the kind of person that regrets a lot. And I hate regrets. They’re things that you never did that eat at you for your entire life. Regrets were Kailey and Morgan. They were everything I never fucking did. They were everything that I never said. I don’t want to live with regrets. But I don’t want you to be a regret of mine either. 

Right now it just feels like such a lose-lose situation.

Right now I kind of wish that I never even met you.

New phone, huh?

Should I even consider texting you? Or should I just leave it and pray that it ends quickly and painlessly for me? Would I regret that?

At least I know that you weren’t ignoring me that day.

But would you have honestly done it any differently? 

No response.

Is it strange that I had a feeling that you wouldn’t answer? Cause it sort of felt like rejection to me. Maybe slowly would have been better. Letting me down I mean.

But perhaps you’re like a splinter. Perhaps you just don’t belong in my life. And slowly it’s trying to eject you from it. 

God, Alex. I can’t do this anymore.

I’m so gone that even ejecting you from my life could hurt so bad. You know, you’re the first girl that I’ve liked that even gave me the time of day. You made me feel that I could at least talk to people. Talk to people I like. And all through it I kept waiting for you to finally turn and tell me to my face that you had had enough of me. That I was annoying, always asking you to go somewhere. That you just didn’t want to talk to me.

But you didn’t.

Perhaps it would have been better if you had.

I’m going to text or message you one more time over the course of this summer, and if you don’t respond I get it.

I’ll get the hint.

Loneliness is invading my heart.

You’re gone and so is everyone else. It’s like losing a bit of me.

It’s homeward bound for you.

And yet you still decided to take my heart with you. Honestly, I really don’t want it back. You can have it. Keep it so my memory of you stays fresh. 

And in a few month time, return it to me. Maybe? Hopefully it’ll still be in one piece.

Or hopefully. You can give me your heart instead and I can nurture it and help it grow. Help it heal from all the past wounds on it.

Either way it’s in your hands now.

You’re leaving tomorrow at 2. Great.